A quick recap

In case you missed it, you probably know how it is, you’re just sitting down to dinner (perhaps in front of your favourite TV show) when the phone rings, Hello, can I speak to the person responsible for your gas/electricity/telephone/bills, please?

This is a real conversation, I promise nothing has been made up.

The double glazing salesman

Salesman

Good evening Sir, It’s Jim from ShinyWhite Windows, can I speak to Mr. Malarkey please?

Malarkey

I’m sorry Jim, I don’t want to waste your time, we haven’t got windows.

Salesman

No windows?

Malarkey

No, we live in a caravan.

Salesman

But caravans have windows don’t they?

Malarkey

Well we did have… but now we just use cling-film. Not the ordinary kitchen stuff mind, you know, that thick stuff that they wrap around palettes and comes on a big roll. We wrap it around the van a few times and when it gets dirty we just replace it.

Salesman

You’re having me on?

Malarkey

No, I’m deadly serious.

Salesman

(Sniggering) But that can’t be very secure… can it?

Malarkey

That’s why we have a big dog (false woof) WOOOOFF!

Salesman

(Silence)

Malarkey

Err, hello…